Pooping for a Living?

I recently got a text message from my husband, who is a full time student, asking me if a 40 minute drive four times a week was worth $250. I work full time to support our family; he’s been trying to find ways to make money while biding the time until his PhD program starts up in the Fall.

I obviously had many questions for him in return: For what? How long would you be there? When during the day would you need to go?

As his vague answers trickled in I got an email from an ex-boyfriend. The ex is planning on getting married and trying to pre-qualify for a mortgage. We have a lingering car loan together that needs sorting out. He has a wonderful high paying job.

The texts kept coming in from my husband. He was clearly avoiding the most relevant question: “For what?” He told me that the schedule was flexible; he could go anytime between 9:00am and 4:30pm Monday through Friday.

“Isn’t that great?” he asked.

“But what is it for?” I asked again.

“The Saturday hours are 10:00am to 2:00pm,” he informed me.

“OK…” I responded.

“Do you think it’s worth the money?” he texted.

“Dude, I can’t answer that until you tell me what it’s for!”

Finally, I got my answer. Apparently he had found a company that would pay $50 per stool sample. If you donate four times in one week, they throw you and extra $50 for your trouble.

“It’s for science.”

“Well I would hope so!” I exclaimed.

I asked about the potential child-care conflict this could cause. “Hell, I’ll bring him with me!” he said of our son.

poopI imagined my ex buying his new wife a house. I then pictured my husband proudly presenting a stool sample to some faceless medical technician. How did I end up with the pooping PhD candidate?

I arrived home from work and gave my husband a hug.

“Group hug!” our five-year-old son announced loudly, running up to join in. His favorite. My husband and I cannot hug one another in his presence without him jumping in.

“Oh yeah…” I thought. “I love these guys.”

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